The Error of Thinking Too Much

Mumbling crumbling down
never knew the when or how,
never did I breathe, I drowned
swallowed my usurpations
covered my competence.
My life is recompense, that I will never get back

Never amiss in my direction
the inflection in my voice is infectious
I admire the way you loathe my direction
never have I missed a blink, I'm sinking
stinking of cologne and whimpering
asking for forgiveness and sitting
kneeling at your throne
stale, lost, devoured.

Why do I bother, am I bothering you?
I see that your thoughts only want the best for me...
what I think is best for me is the end of me
lasting in a love life, reeking in density
lost in hindsight and testing your questioning
while I question my entity cause enough
never is enough, my drought, dream it out-loud
recognize this when and how, now and in me
how much more do I want is never enough
yet you take care of me, you keep me
deliver me, you clothe and feed me, you feed all three
FOUR ON THE WEEKENDS
I am spent, I want to spend, happiness in bliss no end
but at this end it feels like the end, at each end,
More than a friend, a father, a God, my God Your Power
overwhelms my thoughts to the point of contagion,
my relation to you is that you are my Savior
and I feel ungrateful, filled with disdain and hateful.
cause my plate is half-full...

but I'm alive and trying to leave this guilt behind me
to feel, is tidings to spend more time so I could tie me
to you. But I Feel you, to listen to the voice is more than just a choice, its a blessing of your poise that you help me rejoice.
Oh merciful, that One day I could hang next to you and just talk it up. Why don't I feel I will ever get enough? When it is said that one day you will overfill my cup.

revert and observe the feeling of hurt,
Never ever cared to be one of those wishing for the dirt.
Lying in obscurity my music performs maladies,
I'm stuck in uncertainty.
And the sound of your pen is leaking beautiful noise to me but who am I to perceive? if I already have all I need?

Destroying my addendum, and burning it discretely,
keeping me, me for the sake of my certainty.
Reasonable discretion's addressed and coerced to dysfunction, signaling my conjectures conjunctions so I cannot detect the obstruction.

Resume my definition my neurons spins without direction
infected by stress, addressed my consequence.
Illegitimate responses cause conference in my head.
Lost in a sea of banter as I banter on my distractions noticing my heart expansive,
its like swallowing acid and expecting a good outcome.
I guess?

Bi-Polar- happiness induced with sorrow,
take the pills to end indifference to feel indifferent as if it makes a difference.
Multiply my mania because a maniac I am to disdain
I battle the demons, hollowed out
to feel their emptiness
as my victory.
Refute the rebuke for I have taken this stance
to give myself proof!
that I am still Alive.
Alive, a lie, allies, in lye, covered in sackcloth,

Goodbye. What a RIDE!