The Last Cinder

Insides burn, yearning for it,
That last cinder calms me down and fires up the rest of my Id,
Words I spoke to the highest,
Birds flying,
Freedom tied in,
Trying to keep it,
Dying to fly;
Trying to defy it,
Random thoughts invade my privacy but death not apart from me, we’re all slaves to the struggle, but this cinder burns still.
Where would I be if I had thought too much? Would I, be still? Would I contemplate democracy?
Would a Hierarchy of believing keep my engine steaming?
Or is it this the last piece of hope that keep me breathing? Am I dreaming, when I stare into your eyes, I float from the adjacent corner to the other side of the room. My third person perspective, keeps me neglected, keeps me in check.
My fire burns cool but steady, ready to burst in flames at any second, recklessly abandoned to anyone at random.
I’m anxious over everything. Pouring a glass of water stresses me out. My hair taking the toll, the toll’s too expensive these days, I think it’s time for a raise, before this crazed lunatic rattles the cage, before  I upturn and the cinder takes my place.
Where did my sea go? I miss the waves ever so steadily kissing the shore, ever so ever making me whole. Wishing the past would come to the present and go back to the past to become a clearer memory,  when we would stay up all night and watch the moon descend, and the sun ascend, until it reached its highest peak.

Absurdities in Doubts

lost in them
lost in mind
I mind.  do I? I do?
who is there?
kissing my brain schemes with telegraphic dreaming
feeding off a poisinous screening
feeling like I left all that was good in me behind
scum, lower than that, I feel like protozoa,
living a life, sequestered fate, choking my neck like a boa constrictor.

I miss you anger peeking out my pores and making me feel righteous,
I felt like a fool despite this, afterward, anyway

I miss you pain, so vulnerable I used to feel but now detached and repealed,
feel like a gang of zombies are my homies.
Bologna, who am I now??
The issuer of blatant doubt, can't follow my tummy now
can't move like a ruler now, moving like I am in knee deep in mud.

Absurdities in Doubts

Inter"fear"ence

Interference on the fence,
where up is left and down is right,
end it... never the smoothest of flavors,
But my spicy nature leaves you breathless.
Out you step,
into my line,
Intertwining spirits on a spacial collide.
Kerosene my heart and light me on fire for the "umpteenth" time.
sweet surroundings your surrender, my nick of time thing.
Where I get you in my vibe, and you make me your king.

Undying endeavors together forever in a post script surrender.
Eyes that drill holes in my soul,
sending me flying to the heavens.
You are the everything I wanted
you are the everyone forever.

Grab a hold of me, and set me down peacefully
these bullets all that we are you see
that we fly in tandem and seek
warm blood to feed our need for eternity.
forever being only three seconds in certainty, but
reality is only as we see, so together we will be.

The Error of Thinking Too Much

Mumbling crumbling down
never knew the when or how,
never did I breathe, I drowned
swallowed my usurpations
covered my competence.
My life is recompense, that I will never get back

Never amiss in my direction
the inflection in my voice is infectious
I admire the way you loathe my direction
never have I missed a blink, I'm sinking
stinking of cologne and whimpering
asking for forgiveness and sitting
kneeling at your throne
stale, lost, devoured.

Why do I bother, am I bothering you?
I see that your thoughts only want the best for me...
what I think is best for me is the end of me
lasting in a love life, reeking in density
lost in hindsight and testing your questioning
while I question my entity cause enough
never is enough, my drought, dream it out-loud
recognize this when and how, now and in me
how much more do I want is never enough
yet you take care of me, you keep me
deliver me, you clothe and feed me, you feed all three
FOUR ON THE WEEKENDS
I am spent, I want to spend, happiness in bliss no end
but at this end it feels like the end, at each end,
More than a friend, a father, a God, my God Your Power
overwhelms my thoughts to the point of contagion,
my relation to you is that you are my Savior
and I feel ungrateful, filled with disdain and hateful.
cause my plate is half-full...

but I'm alive and trying to leave this guilt behind me
to feel, is tidings to spend more time so I could tie me
to you. But I Feel you, to listen to the voice is more than just a choice, its a blessing of your poise that you help me rejoice.
Oh merciful, that One day I could hang next to you and just talk it up. Why don't I feel I will ever get enough? When it is said that one day you will overfill my cup.

revert and observe the feeling of hurt,
Never ever cared to be one of those wishing for the dirt.
Lying in obscurity my music performs maladies,
I'm stuck in uncertainty.
And the sound of your pen is leaking beautiful noise to me but who am I to perceive? if I already have all I need?

Destroying my addendum, and burning it discretely,
keeping me, me for the sake of my certainty.
Reasonable discretion's addressed and coerced to dysfunction, signaling my conjectures conjunctions so I cannot detect the obstruction.

Resume my definition my neurons spins without direction
infected by stress, addressed my consequence.
Illegitimate responses cause conference in my head.
Lost in a sea of banter as I banter on my distractions noticing my heart expansive,
its like swallowing acid and expecting a good outcome.
I guess?

Bi-Polar- happiness induced with sorrow,
take the pills to end indifference to feel indifferent as if it makes a difference.
Multiply my mania because a maniac I am to disdain
I battle the demons, hollowed out
to feel their emptiness
as my victory.
Refute the rebuke for I have taken this stance
to give myself proof!
that I am still Alive.
Alive, a lie, allies, in lye, covered in sackcloth,

Goodbye. What a RIDE!

Never really understood the power of the word.
We say word like it's cool but its deeper than that,
Understand my overstatement let me loose
enough to shake it away, this feeling
denying everything in life there is no truth but the one we hide in.
Lost in ethereal thoughts fighting to proclaim righteousness at the end of our gains.

Where we go is going to float away, if, we keep moving astray
but reality tells us sinning is better than fate.
Where am I as of late the line between need and greed seem to me the same.

Thinking rather, knowing matter flows in the direction the suns gravity pushes it;
but who pushed the sun?
Am I one that won, or gone into transgressions for fun,
is it too much to want the best for those we love?
do our daydreams make us slaves to sin when we think where we go
to be kids once again.

Once again plagued by the circumference of our sun.
By the beating of our drums, lay chants to war for dumb reasoning.
Twice now disregard because forgiveness is done and I pray for better days so the haze of today doesn't take me to obscurity.